The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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