What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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