i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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