i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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