I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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