Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
