Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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