saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
