Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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