I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize