last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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