god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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