i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
