I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
