highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
