At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
