; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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