Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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