there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
