I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
