No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
