i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
