the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
