you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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