I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
