It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
