So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
