Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
