The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
