Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
