Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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