I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
