David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
