I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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