Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
