I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
