Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize