I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
