$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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