I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
