It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
