I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
