dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
