He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
