He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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