I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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