he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
