Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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