i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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