exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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