I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
