Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
