dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
