i need an iv and a liver transplant
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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