It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize