I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
