I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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