HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
