I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
