nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
