I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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