I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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