and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
