Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
