i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize