I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
