i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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