Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
