The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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