3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
