I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
