Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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