I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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